I decided that I was going to look around Lifeway after getting a CD for my dad for Christmas, just to see if any type of book would pop out at me. I looked in the fiction because I have really wanted to read Karen Kingsbury's books seeing as she seems like such a great author to read, but I kept picking it up and reading the backs and/or looking at the price and nothing jumped at me. I then went to the bargain books to see if anything jumped out, still nothing until of course I find a book of Max Lucado entitled God's Story, Your Story: When His Becomes Yours, so I grabbed that, but I felt a tug to go towards the section of books entitled Women.
I stood there for probably about 5 minutes looking and reading at backs of books and then I saw a book entitled, Mended, (hence the title of the entry). I read the back of it and it was perfect, it was like God was calling me back to Him, as I have lost faith and haven't stepped foot in a church for a service in over 6 months, just through the few paragraphs on the back of this book by Angie Smith. I had never even heard of Angie Smith, but read that she was the wife of one of the members of Selah, so I figured it would be a great book.
I didn't read any of it last night, but tonight, I came to my room with just the lighting of my christmas lights above my bed and started reading the first chapter entitled The Past and the Pitcher. I knew it was the perfect book as I started reading it...but when it came to one paragraph when Smith was opening up about her past as she was becoming a Christian and going to class to learn about God, she says this,
"I decided I needed to get rid of my boyfriend, who I had dated for almost six years. He was abusive in every sense of the word, and there are a lot of deep wounds I still carry with me from that time period. It was a completely unhealthy relationship and one of those times I look back on and wish I could change. It hurts because even though I didn't have a relationship with God at the time, I feel like I was unfaithful to him."
After reading that, to anyone that knows me, I cry to express emotion about anything, but I broke down after reading those few sentences because that's me. Minus 2 years and my boyfriend became a fiance. Also, I was more into being committed to God before this guy, but I slowly fell out of the commitment, but still believed, but was not proactively engaged in anything to make my relationship with God stronger, instead, my relationship dwindled as I regretfully admit especially over the past year, I have gone to 2 church services throughout all of 2012, 6 months separating them...one in January and one in June. I have been unfaithful to God, the one and only being that I need to be committed to until I find someone through Him and Him alone instead of searching for earthly love, I need to focus on God's unconditional love for me.
Smith explained something that God made her do to make her realize who she is and His deep love for her. She said that there was a book that she had read about dealing with losing a child and to get rid of some of the pain, they suggested to their readers to find a piece of pottery and slam it down somewhere to make you feel better. Smith explained that she thought this was ridiculous on all levels and there was no way that this would help her deal with the grief she was experiencing, but God had other plans.
God basically told her to do it, so at 10:00pm one night, she does this on her front porch with a pitcher...and it made her feel better, but then...God told her to put it back together. SIDENOTE: If God told me this, I would have thought He was crazy after breaking something and the pieces scattering everywhere. Angie did think God was crazy, and she just wanted to go to sleep, but instead, she pulled out the hot glue gun and started this project. Here is a video of her describing the pitcher in her own words...click here.
"And as I worked, He let me think about my past. Mistakes I have long regretted. I began to realize that this pitcher was my life, and every piece was part of a story that He had chosen to put together. I started crying, and remembering things I thought I had forgotten. It took a long time to finish, but it was time well spent. Every nook and cranny whispered to me, until at last it stood in all its imperfection."
"Every nook and cranny whispered to me, until at last it stood in all it's imperfection."
That last sentence got to me. We are all imperfect...but we all strive to be perfect and we shouldn't. God loves us for us...no matter what. If you accept Him into your heart, He loves us, all of us as His children.
I read on...
"The image of my life as a broken pitcher was beautiful to me, but at the same time, it was hard to look at all of the cracks. I ran my fingers along them and told Him I wished it had been different. I wished I had always loved Him, always obeyed Him, always sought Him the way I should. I was mad at the imperfections, years wasted, gaping holes where it should be smooth."
Isn't it a good image to just see a broken pitcher, put together? Imperfections are beauty in God's eyes and He lets these imperfections happen to bring His children running back to him....and He greets us with open arms.
God then spoke to Angie...
"My dearest Angie. How do you think the world has seen Me? If it wasn't for the cracks, I couldn't seep out the way I do. I chose this pitcher. I chose you, just as you are."
He loves us, just the way we are. Isn't that humbling? We strive to be better people all the time, but He loves us no matter what.
Angie suggested to the readers that we find our own pottery and break it and put it back together, even though I think it might be beneficial for me to do this, I can just imagine the image.
This was just the first chapter and it made me realize so much, I just don't want to put the book down, so who knows, there might be another entry tonight.
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