Moses: Hebrew Prophet and Lawgiver (Chapter 4: Mended, Why Weren't You Moses?)

It's been awhile since i've posted, 2 months to be exact and a lot can happen in 2 months, and in my life, a lot has definitely happened.

Today has been a rough day for me personally and emotionally, but let's get into the chapter before I start venting about my personal issues.

Angie Smith is at it again and i've been brought to sobbing tears. God works in mysterious ways.

I guess I should back up and explain my life. On January 16th, I read this same chapter and nothing spoke to me, but I was going to try to make a blogpost out of it, but as I was about to begin a blogpost, an old friend/acquaintance from high school decided to call me when he got off work. So instead of finishing the blogpost, I talked to him for probably about an hour, as friends, and without knowing, something interesting would come out of that one phone call. We began talking and a spark came from it...we started to be interested in each other. I kept my barrier up for the most part, but then he broke through and I was falling hard for this guy. He was so sweet and seemed to be so genuine and caring, but today, that changed to someone who hurt me.

We talked late at night for basically 3 weeks straight for hours upon hours and it was just great, but then it came to a point where he wasn't responding to anything, calls or texts so I became concerned. He finally called me one night and we talked for a few hours but that was the last I heard from him, until today...a week after talking to him last. I had suspected something had happened due to being deleted as a facebook friend (that's a big deal these days) and today, a mere month later since we started talking, he texted me finally telling me that he had met someone else. I felt hurt, upset, and angry. I am now positive (not that I wasn't before but this just confirms), that I need to focus on me and my relationship with God as I have said in previous posts.

But okay, to the chapter...
...Angie writes that she was on a roadtrip with her husband and kids and was reading a book about the life of Saint Francis Assisi and she shared one quote that jumped at me:

"Churches should be places where people come to hear the story of God and to tell their own. That's how we find out how the two relate. Tell your story with all of its shadows and fog, so people understand their own. They want a leader who's authentic, someone trying to figure out how to follow the Lord Jesus in the joy and wreckage of life. They need you, not Moses..." 

This quote is powerful in that even though Moses is a significant person from the bible that a lot of people look up to as a great role model in the bible, God doesn't want you to compare yourself to someone who is better or who you think is better than you, He just wants you to be you.

Angie then goes on to commentate about this quote and says this sentence that struck me hard:

"How much time do I spend comparing, contrasting, evaluating, doubting, and allowing myself to feel like a disappointment when the Lord tells me over and over that He loves me?"

Lately, I have found myself comparing myself to my friends. Especially the married ones, I know that God has someone out there for me, but it seems that absolutely everyone around me is getting married and I want that, but I know that's my desire and not God's desire for me, but i'm trying to be patient, but as we all know, being a human can cause you not to be patient especially when you want something so bad. I also think that seeing as I am not too self-confident, is one of the main reasons as to why I compare myself to others, but isn't it comforting to know that God wants us just the way we are? We can be so hard on ourselves, but God loves us no matter how we are and He accepts us no matter what.

"Face what is before you with confidence and with a heart aligned with the One who knew your name before time began. He sings songs over you and quiets you with His love." - Zephaniah 3:17 

That verse is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. I keep telling myself that I want someone to love me for real, but the realization is that I do have someone who loves me for real and that's God, my heavenly Father.

I need to keep telling myself that I need to repair and gain my relationship with God in order for my life to happen the way God intends it to be, not what I intend it to be.

It seems that the devil keeps winning in my life, I need to fight it in order to get closer to my God.

I need to read these chapters more often, but it definitely seems that I am reading the chapters on God's time, when I need to read them the most.